rethinking jakarta

I've been living in Jakarta since 1991, minus the 3 plus year I spent studying in Australia, and have never developed a liking to this city. The only reason I'm still here is because I haven't been able to find work elsewhere. The minute I have the opportunity to leave Jakarta, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

So naturally, when I first found out that the city was going to close down for one whole week for the Lebaran holiday, I was freaking out because I didn't have any plans. How could I not have any plans? I guess that was my punishment for not bothering to read the email from HR (who reads emails from HR anyway?) a couple of weeks earlier. I thought Lebaran holiday was only going to be two days, how was I to know the government had decided to give us all a week holiday? (well, I guess by reading the email from HR)

Anyway, I found out about it only 2 days before the holiday started through conversations with my colleagues. And so began the frantic search of air tickets and hotels, all to no avail of course. To make things worse, my passport has expired so going out of the country was out of the question.

So it looked like I was stuck in the city. The city that has nothing but malls. And I hate malls. Hate it with contempt.

I thought I was going to be bored out of my skull and planned to spend the holiday intoxicated, but surprisingly, today, at the last day of my Jakarta holiday, I found out that not only did I manage to stay sober for the entire week, I also had a lot of fun in the city.

What did I do? Surprisingly a lot.

Since the bars are closed for the Lebaran holiday (even the most dedicated bartenders are entitled for some time off you know), my husband and I decided to sleep early and wake up as early as 5 AM to ride our bicycles. We went biking at the University of Indonesia campus that has a lot of greenery and an okay park where one can sit on the grass and have picnics by the lake.

As you can probably tell by now I'm not really into sports so our bike rides were more leisurely rides along the campus rather than one of those endurance rides. The morning air was surprisingly fresh, it was hard for me to believe that the air could be that fresh in Jakarta, but it apparently could. Although technically the campus is not exactly in Jakarta, but in Depok, which is more in the outskirts of Jakarta, but you get the point.

So we rode our bikes and we sat on the grass and watched the sunrise. Now, my experience of catching the first ray of sun in the city usually involved some stumbling out of some dodgy clubs and cursing the damn sun, so when I actually sat there on the grass, flushed after my bike ride, took a deep breath and felt the fresh air filling my lungs, I felt so good, so healthy and almost holy. I enjoyed the experience so much that we went on this early morning bike rides almost everyday for the whole week.

But of course I couldn't stay holy for so long. My body was just not built for healthy stuff. A friend of mine told me of this place that sells yummy pork rice at Pluit area. Since the roads of Jakarta are practically deserted during Lebaran, it was a good time to check this place out, so off we went. Our friends and their toddler son came along and it turned out to be a hilarious experience with the son taking a poop on his diaper just as the four of us adults were busy digging into this super delicious pork rice.

Now, a holiday would not be complete without a picture of sunset on the beach would it? Problem was, Jakarta has only one sucky beach, which is Ancol beach that is dirty and jam packed with people. Good thing there's this one overpriced bar cum restaurant at Ancol called Segarra where one can enjoy the best part of the beach in private, away from the maddening crowds.

We automatically ordered mojito when we arrived but was told that they did not serve any alcohol to respect the Lebaran holiday. Okay, so it looked like the whole universe was conspiring to make me healthy. There is always the first time for everything and I guess that was the first time in my adult life I actually watched the sunset with a glass of non-alcoholic drink in my hand.

How was the sunset?

Not too bad at all.




To conclude, yes I enjoyed my Lebaran holiday in the city so much. I spent some quality time with my family: my mom, my sister, my dad, my mom in law, my dad in law, my brother in law and my husband's baby nephew and was fed yummy home cooked meals. I spent some quality time with my best friends as well. I went to places I had never been, sampled new food and was exposed to some new experiences.

For once, Jakarta did not dissapoint.

on being happily deskbound

More and more of my friends are leaving the corporate world to pursue other interests. One designs tutu dresses, one opens a bakery, one designs huggable pillows, some become full time mothers. They all seem to be enjoying themselves being creative and exploring many things.

I’m sure the question of “when will I quit my job and do other stuff that really interests me” crosses the mind of the majority of us corporate slaves. It crossed my mind too, many many times.

So, when will it be for me?

Four months ago I left the company where I’d been working for 6 years to take on a bigger role at another company. It was quite a big decision for me because I never really saw myself taking a managerial role. People has never been my strong suit. I simply don’t care that much about others. And for that reason, I had no interest in climbing the corporate ladder.

But I was in a place where I felt that I was not giving myself enough challenge. Everything got too easy and I was simply bored. I knew things had to change when I started to feel sleepy at 4 PM everyday due to lack of stimulation. I asked for more tasks, but unfortunately, in this country, we simply must take a managerial role if we want to move further. There is no path for specialists. Not in my line of work anyway.

The choice for me was either going freelance or move up the ladder. I had tried freelancing before. It was fun and I might go back to doing that when push comes to shove. But at the moment I like going to an office and work with people and be a part of a team. Or a more honest reason would be: I’ve just bought a car on installment therefore a steady monthly income will come handy. So I chose the latter. I accepted this post at this company.

I thought it was going to be tough, new role at a new environment and all, but it turns out to be okay. I’m adapting well and I’m having a good time. It helps that my team consists of a bunch of crazy people who don’t take themselves seriously and laugh about virtually everything.

Here’s what our typical working day looks like:




So, back to the question: when will I quit being a corporate slave and work on something that is more nourishing for my soul?

Maybe tomorrow, maybe never. I don’t love or hate this job enough to have a serious thought over it. I like that it occupies my time - the time I’d otherwise waste on unwise things like being unconscious – in a fun way. I like being around the people, sometimes they inspire me to do stuff. Besides, I wouldn’t know what to do when I’m not working. I don’t have any great ideas for a novel or a film, I have no talents in arts and crafts, I have no business sense whatsoever and I don’t have a freaking clue about investing. So I guess I will be doing this until some publication somewhere is crazy enough to give me my own Carrie Bradshaw-esque column where I can impart my non wisdom to a paying public on a weekly basis and spend the other six days lazing around sipping vodka tonic.

Until then, you can find me at my desk, like always.

childless in Jakarta

I sort of knew sooner or later I’m going to write about this. I avoided talking about my decision on not having a child because I didn’t want to make a big fuss out of it. And yes, for me it is not that big a deal. It ranks up there with other people’s decisions to choose between buying a house in Bintaro or Cibubur. It’s important, but not controversial.

But apparently in this city, admitting that one chooses to be childless for the rest of one’s life is as controversial as admitting that one is an atheist or gay, neither of which I find to be controversial.

Didn’t come as a surprise. After all, we are a bunch of people who are trained to see things only from one perspective.

Yesterday, a famous financial planner came to our office for a presentation. She was talking about children’s tuition fee and what kind of investment that we should make to have those fees covered.

I casually tweeted: this financial planner reassured my decision on not having children.

It took no less than ten minutes for me to get a lot of replies. And it came as a surprise to me because my twitter account is not public, so those who follow my tweets actually know me personally. And yet, I received a lot of judgmental replies.

Now, which part of “reassured my decision” that these so-called friends fail to understand?

I wasn’t campaigning against having children. I was saying MY decision. As in ME, MYSELF, and I. MY life. Other people can breed like rabbits for all I care. I wasn’t talking about anyone, I was talking about myself so what’s with the attacks? What rights do people have on my life?

I replied none of them because I knew it would lead to a stupid debate. I’m writing this instead, hopefully those who bashed me yesterday read this. Don’t get me wrong: this is not an effort to explain myself. I don’t need to explain myself to anyone. It’s just a positive outlet for my anger. I believe it to be much more constructive than scratching their faces.

I don’t want to have children because:

Unlike other women, I never feel that biological click ticking. I was never drawn towards children and I dislike having to take care of anything. Why? I don’t know. I’m not big on existentialist questions so I just let it be, accept that I am an extremely egoistic person and do the responsible thing: I chose to not produce a child, because I cannot undo it! Why would I want to go through pregnancy and labor and parenting for the rest of my life when I have no desire to do it? I don’t believe that every woman must become a mother. I believe it’s a choice. One becomes a mother because one wants to be a mother, not because other people seem to be doing it.

I don’t believe in gender roles either. It does not apply in our household. My husband and I never care about assigned traditional gender roles. The way we divide our chores is based on preferences rather than gender. He is not a morning person so preparing breakfast is my job because he is barely alive in the morning. I hate grocery shopping while he likes the supermarket, so that is his chore. He cooks more often too because I am practically useless in the kitchen.

Another thing is that I don’t want to be trapped in a typical middle class lifestyle of suburban house, a family car, kids to be dropped off to school, nannies and such. I’m not saying that it’s wrong, it’s just not for me. I want to be able to drop everything I’m doing and sail off somewhere if I fancy it. A kid will be a liability for the kind of life that my husband and I are building. We are traveling partners and we want to go on as many adventures in our lives.

Yes, I am lucky to find someone who shares my idea. That is why I married him in the first place.

Someone told me that he’s going to want to have a child someday and that he’s going to leave me. You know what? Husbands leave for many reasons. If he wants to leave, he will leave. If he wants to stay, he will stay. There is nothing I can do to make him leave or stay. I know that only too well.

Another told me that being childless, no one is going to take care of me when I’m old. I don’t want to judge here, but I think having children for that purpose is kind of selfish. Those children are going to have their own lives too, and looking at how country is shaping up, it looks like they’re going to have it tougher than us.

But then again, if that eases your mind and makes you sleep better at night because you know someone will be there for you to push your wheelchair around, I’m not the one to judge. Do whatever. In my opinion, there are no guarantee that children will stick around taking care of aging parents, just like there are no guarantee a husband will stay forever. I will never put my life in somebody else’s hand. So if I happen to outlive everyone and live alone in my old age, at least I know that it would come to that. I never exercise any fantasy of grandchildren crying on my deathbed.

Another one said that I was insensitive towards those who want to have children but can’t. I fail to see how. Is my saying that I don’t want children decreases their chances on conceiving a child? How?

One of my best friends is trying to have a baby at the moment, been trying for some times, and I support her. I will be ecstatic if she does get pregnant because I know that it would make her very happy. I probably won’t play with the kid so much because I’m not into kids, but I’m all for her having children, as many as she wants.

In retaliation, I'd say those who keeps pestering people to have children are the insensitive ones. How is your constant pestering going to help anybody pregnant? If anything it’s putting more pressure on them so you might be responsible for them not getting pregnant.

In Indonesia it’s very common to have this kind of conversation with someone you barely know:
“Are you married?”
“Yes.”
“How many children?”
“None.”
“Why?”

Now for me, that is insensitive. But it happens all the time.

The funniest conversation I had went like this:

“Are you married?”
“Yes.”
“How many children?”
“None.”
“Why?”
“Don’t want any.”
“Don’t say that! You might not be able to have children forever!”

D’oh. Didn’t I just say I don’t want any? Why would I care about not being able to have children forever? That’s the whole idea, isn’t it?

But I have made my peace a long time ago, I know that in this country it’s more acceptable to have two or three wives rather than not having a child.

So there, I said my piece. I’m expecting a decline in the numbers of followers on my twitter account soon :)

for better or worse

Do I love my country? I guess so.
One’s country is like one’s family. The majority of us don’t really have a say in that. We might as well learn to love it, because what choice do we have really?

What does it mean being an Indonesian? In the eyes of outsiders, it’s not something that is worthy of something. Being Indonesian is not the same as being an American. It’s not even the same as being a Singaporean.

No, I am not ashamed of being an Indonesian. It’s who I am. But I won’t deny the fact that generally, we Indonesian do not hold ourselves really well.

I won’t even go into stuff like corruption and bigotry. I’m going to cover the small, daily stuff. Stuff that is within my grasp, and of course stuff that is related to me. There are so many things that we have to admit that we, as a nation, are lacking.

1. Discipline
When it comes to discipline, I am 100% Indonesian. I have no passion, no focus, no competitive streak whatsoever. Why are we not superiors in sports? Why don’t we invent anything? Because we are clearly lacking on those things. Maybe it’s got something to do with the fact that our soil is so fertile that almost everything grows, therefore we don’t really have to create something. I don’t know. It’s still something that I also have to work very hard on.

2. Winner’s mentality
I’m not going to criticize our national football team. Those guys are awesome and they have improved a lot. I’m criticizing the mentality of the rest of us, the supporters, who automatically looked for something to blame when Malaysia humiliated us 0-3 in the AFF semifinals. There was nothing to blame. Malaysia simply was better than us. Period. We sucked. Admit. Retreat, re-strategize and re-attack. Yes, Malaysian supporters did use laser. But what right do we have to criticize them? Our supporters are worse! Supporters here can march into field right in the middle of a game to beat up the referee. Hello? My advice is, fellow supporters, next time we lose, don’t look for something to blame. Keep sending our support because our losing team needs our supports more than ever.

3. Fighting spirit
I was quite sad when I saw the Indonesian team gave up on the last challenge on The Amazing Race Asia 4. Sad because it was predictable. I knew he was going to give up once I heard of the challenge. I just knew he didn’t have it in him. I know it must be hard for him because of his height phobia, but isn’t the whole point of joining the race is to push himself to the limit? Compare it to the Singapore team who were left far behind and managed to catch up. It was because they kept on fighting. Him giving up is just so typical of us, Indonesian, who run away when faced with an impossible challenge. Yes, I am also guilty of this crime, but I am working on it as I grow old.

4. Speed
I’ve worked with people from Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, Australia, India and New Zealand and I have to say that they are faster than us. We probably have the same IQ, but we tend to take things slow. When we are given a task, we don’t jump into it. We push it aside and continue our meaningless chats and only give it a thought when it’s nearing the due date. Why is that? It’s a mystery, even to me. I guess it’s because people take things lightly. I was guilty of this crime when I was at school because I hated school with contempt. Now that I finally found something that I like doing and it pays good, I take it seriously. There are millions of people out there who’d kill for my job so I intent to keep it by being irreplaceable.

5. Integrity
I guess there is no way I can talk about our nation without touching upon the subject of corruption. Oh well. We are so used to pay our way into anything. That is a sad fact that only a revolution can change. We have no integrity. No. Zilch. Nada. Zero. This is probably connected to point 2 and 3. We don’t really see the need to fight or be good because we can always earn it the easy way by cheating or bribing.

It is no wonder that we are not competitive at all, in every way.

I was talking to a friend yesterday about what we can do to make a change in this country. Her advice was really good and doable. Start small, do many small things.

So that’s what I’m doing. Starting with myself, of course, changing many small things about myself. Just like Michael Jackson said. That man was a genius.

everyday is a celebration

Today is Indonesian's mother day. It has been a mother's day since as long as I remember and nobody seems to mind.

That is until twitter came along.

I don't know how it is in other countries since I don't follow people I don't know on twitter, but Indonesians love to give an elaborate lecture on twitter. The topic varies and I usually don't pay any attention to them. I'm never one to listen to any kind of lecture so I usually just scroll up and won't bother to read them.

Today, naturally, the lecture was about mother's day. Someone posted that according to history, today was the day of first women's congress in Indonesia which happened in 1928, therefore is more appropriate to declare today as women's day rather than mother's day.

I'm not sure how the day shifted to being celebrated as mother's day. Most probably because we commemorate women's day on April 21, the birthday of Kartini, a prominent figure in Indonesian women's rights. Two women's days in a year is a bit too much isn't it? So I think it's logical to celebrate one as women's day and one as mother's day.

It's always good to learn something new. And it's good to know the story behind something. I thank the person who posted this because this is new information to me.

But as we know, twitter is full of smartass.

Soon there were tweets from people who want to straighten this fact. Those are the people who went: let's not continue this mistake. Let's celebrate today as women's day and not mother's day.

That's when I get tired.

I mean, is that really necessary?

Mother's day, women's day... how is it going to make any difference to us? On those days we still get up in the morning and do our things.

So by stressing the point that today is women's day rather than mother's day we shouldn't call our mothers? Or what?

I am not a mother nor do I have any intention to be one. I'm 37, childless, and plan to remain that way. But I have a mother and I love her and I like dedicating one day for her.

Most women are mothers anyway and almost every woman is willing to be a mother. In fact, every time I tell people that I choose not to have children, I tend to get raised eyebrows.

So what's the deal about straightening the fact that is not that important to begin with?

We just need to be informed on the history behind it, just like we are informed on the history behind Valentine's day or Santa Claus. And leave it at that.

Mother's day does not diminish the value of women's day one bit.

In fact, many great women I know are mothers.

And what does it matter if today is mother's day or not? It's not even a public holiday!

I can even declare October 4 as daughter's day. Or January 5 as wife's day. Who cares? For me, the more days we can celebrate, the better. Don't be a party pooper!

So now I raise my glass to celebrate this mother's day. I hope you raise yours too.

Here's to kickass mommas everywhere!

games people play

I'm not good at games. Any kind of game. When I was a child I didn't really like playing kiddie games with my friends. I had a lot of friends and I often had friends over to my house, giving my grandmother major headache but I was never really involved in the games they played. My sister was born when I was 6 so I was alone most of the time, therefore I liked having friends over. I just needed them for their presence. They would play and I would read in the corner, because I was and still am a big reader. Knowing how mean little children can be to one another, it was amazing that I wasn't cast out as a weirdo.

I'm one of those lucky person who's always surrounded by friends, in every stage of my life. Even until now, my house is still some sort of a base camp. Friends come over and just hang out at my place.

But yeah, I'm not good at games. Card games, board games, computer games, I am practically useless. I tried to play but I didn't enjoy them. Still don't. I'm a very spontaneous person, I don't like having to make calculated moves and I hate having to guess somebody else's move.

My dislike of games is probably one of the reasons why I become a very straightforward person. With me, what you see is what you get. It's probably not the best strategy to survive as an adult but I can't change who I am.

I don't trust people easily though. My life experiences have taught me that a lot of people are screwed in the head. I have had my fair share of cheating boyfriends and friends who lied behind my backs, but if people screw me, it's for a reason that is personal. It was because they wanted to screw me. And I have come to terms with it. I don't sweat it anymore. I know that there will be friends who betray me. That's just the way things are. But yeah, as far as I remember, those who betrayed me did so for a personal reason.

In life there's always the first time for everything. Yesterday was the first time I realized that someone can actually stab me in the back, for a reason that is not personal at all. How could it be personal when that person and I are not even close to begin with? That person and I are in the same circle but we can't be called as "friends". It's more to "acquaintances". I know nothing about that person's personal life and I believe that person doesn't know anything about me either.

Long story short, said person desperately needs to do some ass-saving. So I was the scapegoat. The reason was not personal at all. It didn't have to specifically be me. It could be anyone. As luck would have it, I was in the perfect position to be a scapegoat. It was inevitable. Life does happen like that. Sometimes it puts you in such an unfortunate position. An intern at my office one day had a wall collapsed on him while he was riding his motorbike and crushed his leg. What did he do to deserve a wall collapsing on him? Nothing. He was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time.

How could I be at the wrong place to begin with? Because I suck at games. I never calculate my moves and I don't pay attention to the moves of everyone around me. I know this world is one big game, but I thought that I can choose not to participate in the game, I can sit on the bench reading my book or talking to the little people I invented in my head, not even watching the game, just like I did when I was a child. I didn't realize that the ball can actually fly off from the field and hit me in the head while I'm on the bench. That, ladies and gentlemen, sucks big time.

A lesson learned. Hopefully not too harmful. But do I want to start watching my back? No, I don't want to live like that. People can play their stupid games and I refuse to join in. If on odd days a ball flies off and hits me in the head, that's okay. I have a strong head. I can take a stupid ball. And if the mood strikes me I might throw that ball back on the person who threw it at me. And harder, of course. But I still won't join the game. If I want to injure somebody, the reason has to be personal. That's just how I roll.

For me, the reason why my life is beautiful is because I am as transparent as a child in anything. People feel secure with me. That's why I'm always surrounded by friends. True friends. Friends who know my shortcomings but still love me anyway. Friends who are as close as my family. Not ten thousands followers on twitter whom I barely knew. Or people kissing my ass, not that my ass is that important to be kissed anyway.

What happened yesterday did not change me. I still believe honesty is the best policy. Stupid maybe by adult standard but it's something that I believe at whatever cost.
And if for some sick twist of fate more and more people betray my trust in the future, that's okay too, I can always invent new, honest people in my head. I'm resourceful that way.

why so serious?

I was about to open my Yahoo email account and the Yahoo homepage had this news about how Ariel Peterpan cried when he celebrated his birthday in jail. Out of curiosity I clicked the link. It was nothing special but what’s interesting is the comments people were posting underneath the story. I was shocked to find so many people expressing their anger to Ariel. Not just anger, it was extreme anger. The kind of anger you feel towards a person who did nasty things to your loved ones or yourself.

They wrote something along the line of “Jail is too soft a punishment for him, Ariel should be stabbed to death/stoned to death,”

Now, I can understand if that kind of anger was directed to a pedophile, but wishing someone whose sex tapes were leaked to public to be stoned to death is a bit extreme don’t you think? And it wasn’t just an opinion of one or two people, it was a lot of them.

What’s those sex tapes got to do with them really? If anything those tapes were entertaining. He shouldn’t apologize to us for making them, we should apologize to him for making an entertainment out of it.

For me, what he did wasn’t even a crime, it was just an unfortunate and extremely embarrassing incident. He shouldn’t have been jailed in the first place, but I won’t go into that discussion.

What shocked me is the realization of how extremely judgmental Indonesian people are. There’s one comment that goes like this, “He shouldn’t have cried on his birthday. It’s his punishment for being a coward. He should just own up to it, like Cut Tari. Look how Cut Tari’s life is so much better now after she admitted the whole thing.”

It was beyond me how the person could be so sure about Cut Tari’s life.

I can bet that those people have never even met Ariel in person. I thought that kind of hatred can only be directed to someone whose action affected you personally. But I guess I thought wrong.

See, this is exactly what baffles me about my own fellow countrymen and women. I thought we are nice people.

Whatever happened to our hospitality? The friendly smiles of Indonesia that foreign visitors love so much, or so said the tourism brochures?

I think we’re turning into bitter and extremely self-righteous people. Or probably we have always been. How scary.

What possibly fueled so many people to be so angry about a rock star who made sex tapes? I really can’t think of any. Something must have gone wrong somewhere for a country to breed so many hypocrites. Too many people are too happy to cast the first stone.

I skipped classes too much during university therefore I can’t make an analysis from sociological or anthropological point of views. But my simplistic analysis is this: Indonesians take themselves way too seriously. Add to that our lazy ass attitude. That what breeds self-righteousness. We think we’re all that. And we’re too lazy to find out that we’re not. We never seek references.

Of course, that’s only my simplistic view on a much more serious issue. My knowledge is very limited therefore I can’t speak for the whole nation.

But that’s what I think.

I agree on death penalty. But only for pedophile, serial killers and terrorist.

We have too much hatred within us already. I wish everyone can just grab a beer and chill and laugh about life. Even if sometimes we don’t feel like laughing.

I know that I’m too insubstantial to influence anything on people. But if I were to be someone important, my one message to my fellow countrymen and women is this: Stop walking around with sticks up your asses. It's so damn annoying!

Now go and be crazy at the nearest bar. It's Friday.

Have a nice weekend all :)